We realize that watching little loved ones scurry around the rink can occasionally be frustrating. But there should be limits on the manifestations of that frustration. If you take a look at the following questions and notice a bit of yourself in there, or if you answer yes to all of them, we ask that you kindly remove your name from running for hockey parent of the year.

· Are you more fond of your child's first skate than his or her first steps?

· Was the child's first stuffed animal neither stuffed nor an animal, but a puck?

· When your kids clean their plates, do you make Zamboni references?

· Do you have a spreadsheet on your fridge with your child's statistics?

· Do you cheer during warmups?

· Do you keep your son or daughter's stats during warmups?

· Do you keep your son or daughter's stats during practice?

· Unless your child needs a ride, do you go to practice?

· Have you ever found yourself at center ice, without skates on, in street clothes, during a game, as the only non-official adult on the ice, uninvited, cursing at an official?

· Have you ever dreamt of the above scenario?

· Is your mugshot on a bulletin board at your local rink above the words, "barred from entry"?

· Did you bribe the rink manager to take it down?

· Have you ever refused to remove your foot from a coach's neck until he threatens legal action?

· Have you ever threatened someone else at a game with legal action?

· Have you ever threatened someone else at a game with your kid's Synergy?

· Do you think of sneaking through the ventilation system and into your son or daughter's opponent's locker room, where you can take sandpaper to a few strategically chosen skates?

· Have you tried to return your son or daughter's stick to the pro shop because it had "no goals in it"?

· Have you tried to return your son or daughter's skates to the pro shop because "everyone seems faster"?

· Did you contact NCAA scouts before your kid's 10th birthday?

· Do you demand of your kid that a goal and an assist be scored before you'll let him or her eat?

· Do you demand of your kid that a goal and an assist be scored before you'll let anyone in the family eat?

· Do you call your son or daughter by a different name -- like, say, Stone Hands -- depending on how well he or she plays?

· Do you not call your son or daughter at all depending on how well he or she plays?

· Do you believe your kid shouldn't pass the puck ... ever?

· Did you christen your child in a makeshift Stanley Cup?

· On the day your child was born, did you work out the math on his draft-eligible year?

· Do the candles on his cake correspond to the birth date or the years remaining "as an amateur"?

· Was your child's first word was the name of your favorite hockey team?

· Do you wish your child's first word was the name of your favorite hockey team?

· Have you yelled at your kid for not picking up on your telepathic message to shoot low to the stick side?

· Have you ever made your kid run home, with his gear on his or her back, beside the car, for missing an open net?

· Have you ever led a "S-I-E-V-E!" chant against a 10-year-old?

· Do you include in your local youth hockey newsletter a section called "coaches on the hot seat"?

· Do you refer to school days as "off days"?

· Do you refer to game days as "what it's all about"?

· Do you speak often in sports cliches?

· Do you forget the last compliment you've given to your kid's teammates?

· Do you forget the last compliment you've given to your own kid?

From usahockey.com's "Relax, It's Just A Game"

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